Long Distance Relationships while at Uni
19:30
For many, the thought of trying to sustain a long-distance relationship during university is seen as a challenge, and for some, even impossible. My boyfriend and I started our relationship (and still are) in a long-distance relationship, so although I would by no means classify myself as an expert, I feel that I can at least impart some wisdom into giving long-distance your best shot when moving away to university.
Communication
As with any non-long-distance relationship, communication is key. Today we are so lucky to have texts, WhatsApp, Skype at your fingertips, so use them (but try not to abuse them). Theres no right or wrong to this, however regular, honest, communication is invaluable when living away from each other and staying close. When messaging your SO, be cautious of how texts may come across and how you read into messages - you may completely misinterpret what is said so its crucial to remain clear, honest and transparent with each other, and if any disagreements do occur, try to talk out any issues that crop up as soon as possible and be patient with one another.
Visit each other
I personally think its important when in a long-distance relationship to make plans and have events to look forward to. At the beginning, during term-time, we would alternate between me going home to visit my boyfriend and for my boyfriend to visit me in Birmingham every two weeks, to ensure it was fairly split. The time between seeing each other will of course be different depending on your distance and financial situation, however we were fortunate that we are only a 45 minute train ride home and so can see each other more frequently than couples living at opposite ends of the country. Regardless of how much time you spend chatting over text or on Skype, it should always be a priority to arrange dates in 'real life' as nothing can replace this, also using your time apart to plan in detail your dates to save wasting time planning when you are reunited and to reduce the sadness of being apart by being able to look forward to seeing each other.
Balance
Its important to find the balance between your life at uni and your relationship. Being long distance can bring with it the temptation to constantly be texting your SO and neglecting your university life. It important to understanding that life goes on, and that each of you with have commitments without the other party and a life to live. Your relationship commitments shouldn’t jeopardise your day-to-day life, and your day-to-day life at university shouldn't jeopardise your relationship. In cases where you are busy with your uni and social life, make sure to check in with your SO to keep them in the loop, but don't forget to enjoy yourself - it’s much easier not to miss someone if you’re not sitting at home doing nothing.
Long distance can work
At the end of sixth form, I witnessed people moving away to university ending their relationships so that they could be single when starting uni. Likewise, there are many people that will try to talk you out of trying to make a long-distance relationship work, which is far from encouraging. Each relationship is different and only you will know if you are willing to make a relationship work. If a couple of months down the line you aren't happy and can't see a future long-distance then don't be ashamed to end things, but equally, if you are confident in yourself and your relationship then don't worry about what people say - prove them wrong!
Set your boundaries
By this I do not mean lay out a list of rules to be controlling over your boy/girlfriend, but its important to appreciate and talk out the threats to your relationship that may materialise in a number of ways. For example, you may not be comfortable with something that your other half is doing while you are away, or your new-found freedom and social life may not sit comfortably with them. Unless you talk this through ahead of time, new situations could easily manifest into challenges in your relationship, so make sure to consider your bf/gfs feelings and talk through anything that makes you feel uncomfortable before annoyances spiral out of control. At the end of the day, you don't want your new university experiences to sacrifice your commitment to your partner.
Even though the thought of being far away from your SO can be daunting and upsetting, being in a long distance during university can be still be fun. It gives you the chance to experience, if they are also moving away, the new home town of your partner and to meet new people, whilst also being able to introduce them to your new home and experiences. If you have trust in your relationship and can both resist temptation along the way, then there is no reason that long-distance won't work.Enjoy your time at university, and don’t stress over the little hiccups that may come your way!
Are you in a LDR? What advice would you give to freshers?
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